The year 2020 left many people feeling heartbroken or disappointed. In addition to tragic personal loss of associates, friends and family members, there were job losses, canceled proms, delayed graduations, milestone birthdays or anniversaries spent in quarantine, and separation from loved ones. The memory of loss during that year will never be wiped away, but that is the harsh reality of life. Days, months, and years on this planet have their ebbs and flows, ups and downs, highs and lows. We should take time to grieve and acknowledge feelings when we are disappointed, but, assuming you’ve worked through the stages of grief, how do you actually make lemonade out of the lemons?
- Don’t take things personally. Even personal slights and unfortunate events happen to everyone at some point in life. In this aspect, we are all in this challenging world together. Because of shared challenges, chances are high that someone may have experienced your same setbacks and may have some great tips to thrive after significant misfortune.
- Seek the diamond in the rough. Take disappointments as a chance for growth and opportunity. When you teach yourself to look for opportunities among the pitfalls, you are using a powerful cognitive behavioral tool called frequency illusion, also known as the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon. Frequency illusion occurs when increased awareness of something creates the perception that it is appearing more often. We are using that phenomenon here to increase your ability to notice the “good” within the “bad” in life. This technique does not involve denying the “bad”, but simply upgrading your life by noticing goodness and opportunities for growth whenever they arise.
- Revamp your present reality. Focus on creating the feeling you want to experience in each moment. Don’t put too much thought into this, since it is surprisingly simple. Want to feel closer to family? Reach out via text or video chat. Want to be healthier? Make a delicious green smoothie or salad. Take a walk around the block or in a local park. Want to stop dwelling on disappointment? Find a satisfying and enjoyable activity to do that will enhance your sense of wellness and prosperity.
- Level up. Even when you are feeling down, it can help to romanticize or glamorize your daily life. Feeling dull? Do a quick makeover or home spa day. Fix a luxurious cocktail/mocktail. Prepare a visually spectacular dinner and eat it in a gorgeous setting (think beach, local park, deck, patio, poolside, or outdoor public venue).
- Rewrite your future. Visualize the unlimited possibilities that exist for your future outside of your current reality. It pays to cultivate your imagination, because believing in your potential will cause you to take action to achieve your conceptualized future. Simply put, visualize what you want your future to look like and take steps to actualize your vision in the present.
- Accept that an apology may never come and practice forgiveness. When it comes to people who have let you down, the harsh reality is that the person who offended you may not see their offense until a later time, or not at all. Even if they do say that they are sorry and take some action to address the wrong-doing, you may perceive the apology as inadequate. Remember that forgiveness often involves: accepting the reality of the situation, understanding your role in the circumstance (if applicable), deliberately choosing to release feelings of resentment, releasing expectations of penance on the part of the offender, and cultivating personal happiness beyond the situation.
- Create healthy physical and emotional distance. Holding on to people, places or things that regularly add negativity and distress in your life can bring you down. Sometimes it is appropriate to temporarily, or permanently, remove yourself from that energy. If you must be around a negative person, place or thing, it is important to set firm, healthy boundaries in order to protect your psyche from toxicity.
- Get professional help. Uplifting yourself may involve collaboration with a specialist that can help you to navigate life’s pitfalls, identify potential solutions to your challenges, support healthy behavior change, provide non-judgmental feedback, and up-level your vision for your future. Explore a psychologist, psychiatrist, cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT), life coach or other specialist as needed.
